Jontonflow is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, weak guinea pig.

Jontonflow created matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jontonflow, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jontonflow, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Jontonflow's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Jontonflow's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sit in public.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Foxes are not to be trusted.

5. Pray towards the east.