Metdobortvan is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, passionate shrew.

Metdobortvan created the Cigar Galaxy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Metdobortvan, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Metdobortvan, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Metdobortvan's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Metdobortvan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill goats.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate cats.

3. Never write about galaxies.

4. Never feed lentils to sharks while wearing pink shirts.

5. Always help porpoises.