Fitmetarn is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, strong ferret.

Fitmetarn created an up quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitmetarn, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Fitmetarn, it will strike you with lightening.

Fitmetarn's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Fitmetarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always help foxes in need.

2. Do not shave your legs.

3. Rats are not to be trusted.

4. Dogs are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Fast once a month.