Hamflagzodxuckabwee is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, ill-tempered squid.

Hamflagzodxuckabwee created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamflagzodxuckabwee, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hamflagzodxuckabwee, it will not care.

Hamflagzodxuckabwee's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Hamflagzodxuckabwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in holy places.

2. Put Hamflagzodxuckabwee first in all things.

3. Never look at stars.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

5. Never wear green ear rings.