Bemgembud is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, contented spider.

Bemgembud created the planet Saturn nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemgembud, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bemgembud, he will turn you into a rat.

Bemgembud's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Bemgembud's Holy Commandments

1. Whales are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never talk about moons.

3. Never wear skirts.

4. Never run in the presence of turtles.

5. Bemgembud loves doves, so they must be respected.