Barnhabyak Mutsakquim is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, benevolent duck.

Barnhabyak Mutsakquim created a bottom quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Barnhabyak Mutsakquim, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Barnhabyak Mutsakquim, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Barnhabyak Mutsakquim's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Barnhabyak Mutsakquim's Holy Commandments

1. Barnhabyak Mutsakquim loves seals, so they must be respected.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never think about gravity near ants while wearing orange shirts and balancing three aluminium spheres on your legs.

4. Erect eight tin sculptures of Barnhabyak Mutsakquim on top of important buildings.

5. Always help porpoises in need.