Fumgendon is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, grumpy goose.

Fumgendon created bats seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumgendon, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fumgendon, he will send you a sign.

Fumgendon's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Fumgendon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Fumgendon loves swans, so they must be respected.