Xucjatgub is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, wise mink.

Xucjatgub created matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucjatgub, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Xucjatgub, he will turn you into a worm.

Xucjatgub's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Xucjatgub's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with purple.

2. Never speak of balance in the presence of children.

3. Always help nematodes.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not wear silver on your body.