Tancunhambusgattun is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, unthoughtful mouse.

Tancunhambusgattun created humankind three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tancunhambusgattun, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tancunhambusgattun, it will turn you into a mole.

Tancunhambusgattun's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Tancunhambusgattun's Holy Commandments

1. Put Tancunhambusgattun first in all things.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Run away from pink badgers, for they are unholy.

4. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.