Hatwap is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, deceitful lion.

Hatwap created light eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatwap, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Hatwap, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Hatwap's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Hatwap's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Hatwap loves hamsters, so they must be honoured.

5. Never think about quantum mechanics near pigs while wearing purple shorts and balancing seven platinum spheres on your back.