Quaffennill is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, bad-tempered coyote.

Quaffennill created an electron five billion years ago.

If you believe in Quaffennill, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quaffennill, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Quaffennill's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Quaffennill's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into blue rooms.

2. Always treat horses with great respect.

3. Do not take Quaffennill's name in vain.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near aardvarks while wearing cyan shirts.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.