Vabstaftit is a god.

It takes the form of a large, astonishing duck.

Vabstaftit created carbon two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vabstaftit, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vabstaftit, it will throw large rocks at you.

Vabstaftit's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Vabstaftit's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three manatees approach from the north.

2. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Vabstaftit.