Fubzogyamren is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, intelligent narwhal.

Fubzogyamren created vertebrates five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fubzogyamren, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fubzogyamren, he will think nothing of it.

Fubzogyamren's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Fubzogyamren's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate goats.

2. Hide from pink shrews for they are unholy.

3. Never think about solid mechanics near mites while wearing green kilts and balancing seven titanium spheres on your hands.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Run away if nine whales approach from the north.