Cemtennar is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, idiotic alligator.

Cemtennar created light seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cemtennar, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cemtennar, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Cemtennar's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Cemtennar's Holy Commandments

1. Cemtennar loves badgers, so they must be respected.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never talk about optics near aardvarks while wearing green rings and balancing three lead spheres on your hands.

4. Erect a large silver sculpture of Cemtennar on top of all buildings.

5. Do not shave your legs.