Tinlakmot is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, charitable toad.

Tinlakmot created humankind three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tinlakmot, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tinlakmot, he will turn you into a snail.

Tinlakmot's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Tinlakmot's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant silver sculpture of Tinlakmot in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never sprint in the presence of birds.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never wear shorts.

5. Do not dye your hair black.