Hugpitxen Timgess is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, overgenerous porpoise.

Hugpitxen Timgess created the Sombrero Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hugpitxen Timgess, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hugpitxen Timgess, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Hugpitxen Timgess' most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Hugpitxen Timgess' Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of peanuts to eagles while wearing black trousers.

2. Hide if three great tits approach from the south.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.