Bedquatgum Yarplistmig is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, slow unicorn.

Bedquatgum Yarplistmig created the Sun seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bedquatgum Yarplistmig, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bedquatgum Yarplistmig, it will ignore you.

Bedquatgum Yarplistmig's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Bedquatgum Yarplistmig's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt seals.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Learn three new languages a year.