Sasjinyik is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, proud guinea pig.

Sasjinyik created humanity nine million years ago.

If you believe in Sasjinyik, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Sasjinyik, it will boil you in a big pot.

Sasjinyik's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Sasjinyik's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat eagles with great respect.

2. Always help rats in need.

3. Never wear mauve trousers.

4. Never write about dark matter.

5. Never write about photosynthesis.