Tonladkop is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, smart unicorn.

Tonladkop created bats eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonladkop, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tonladkop, it will send you a sign.

Tonladkop's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Tonladkop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Tonladkop in the centre of the settlement.

3. Retreat if three great tits approach from the north.

4. Never think about comets.

5. Do not keep four otters in a large pit.