Quatponrig Dobhombep is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, stupid mole.

Quatponrig Dobhombep created a down quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatponrig Dobhombep, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quatponrig Dobhombep, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Quatponrig Dobhombep's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Quatponrig Dobhombep's Holy Commandments

1. Quatponrig Dobhombep must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never talk about moons.

3. Always obey Quatponrig Dobhombep's priests.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not make images of living things.