Zimquagtaf is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unjust parrot.

Zimquagtaf created the planet Earth three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimquagtaf, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Zimquagtaf, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Zimquagtaf's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Zimquagtaf's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine sharks approach from the east.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Zimquagtaf.

3. Never feed lots of nuts to frogs while wearing white shirts.

4. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Always help whales in need.