Cad is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, two-faced cobra.

Cad created energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Cad, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cad, she will turn you into a puffin.

Cad's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Cad's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Run away from turquoise tapirs, for they are unholy.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate tortoises.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.