Cepkamarpjopfat is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, caring deer.

Cepkamarpjopfat created humanity three million years ago.

If you believe in Cepkamarpjopfat, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Cepkamarpjopfat, he will turn you into a tree.

Cepkamarpjopfat's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Cepkamarpjopfat's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Do not chant in public.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.