Bognuttbit is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, conceited tapir.

Bognuttbit created bats nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bognuttbit, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bognuttbit, she will turn you into a tree.

Bognuttbit's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Bognuttbit's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always help hamsters in need.

4. Run away from violet rats, for they are unholy.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.