Fotwipbell is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, ruthless narwhal.

Fotwipbell created dark energy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotwipbell, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fotwipbell, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Fotwipbell's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Fotwipbell's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Fotwipbell in the centre of the settlement.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate gulls.

3. Never talk about fluid mechanics.

4. Fotwipbell loves voles, so they must be respected.

5. Do not wear gold on your body.