Cipvag is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, witty seal.

Cipvag created matter three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cipvag, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Cipvag, he will be very unhappy.

Cipvag's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Cipvag's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Retreat if seven squirrels approach from the north.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never feed rice to nematodes while wearing violet shorts.