Yatxuckfencub is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, stupid tortoise.

Yatxuckfencub created tapeworms six million years ago.

If you believe in Yatxuckfencub, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Yatxuckfencub, it will jump up and down on your head.

Yatxuckfencub's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Yatxuckfencub's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear gray.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not keep nine dogs in a large pit.

5. Never talk about black holes.