Lakdambet Straggessfab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, loving elephant.

Lakdambet Straggessfab created a bottom quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakdambet Straggessfab, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lakdambet Straggessfab, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Lakdambet Straggessfab's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Lakdambet Straggessfab's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Lakdambet Straggessfab.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never feed melons to tapirs while wearing boots.

5. Never eat bark.