Bonsaffed Gudflapzog is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, stupid octopus.

Bonsaffed Gudflapzog created humanity two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonsaffed Gudflapzog, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bonsaffed Gudflapzog, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Bonsaffed Gudflapzog's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Bonsaffed Gudflapzog's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near shrews while wearing orange hats and balancing three carbon spheres on your face.

2. Never wear pink shirts.

3. Never look at planets.

4. Do not dye your hair black.

5. Always pray immersed in water.