Gatvagab is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, dishonest walrus.

Gatvagab created a photon two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatvagab, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gatvagab, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gatvagab's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Gatvagab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Hide from indigo shrews for they are unholy.

3. Do not eat pineapples.

4. Do not speak about parsnips.

5. Never write about special relativity.