Goftenstik is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, contented crab.

Goftenstik created the Andromeda Galaxy twelve years ago.

If you believe in Goftenstik, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Goftenstik, she will turn you into a goat.

Goftenstik's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Goftenstik's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always help sick otters.

3. Feed all hungry nematodes.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Goftenstik must be the most important thing in your life.