Dissnuljam is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, merciless squid.

Dissnuljam created a strange quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dissnuljam, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Dissnuljam, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Dissnuljam's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Dissnuljam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear tin on your body.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Run away from black porpoises, for they are unholy.