Kipnilster is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, generous shark.

Kipnilster created Mount Everest seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kipnilster, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Kipnilster, she will cry a lot.

Kipnilster's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Kipnilster's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at black holes.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Do not wear silicon on your body.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.