Ragbigved Kemzakhom is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, grumpy hippopotamus.

Ragbigved Kemzakhom created the Andromeda Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ragbigved Kemzakhom, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Ragbigved Kemzakhom, she will turn you into a snail.

Ragbigved Kemzakhom's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Ragbigved Kemzakhom's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near tapirs while wearing yellow shoes and balancing six carbon spheres on your legs.

2. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. You must love Ragbigved Kemzakhom.

4. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

5. Do not eat coconuts.