Fotbadvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, dishonourable newt.

Fotbadvonk created the Large Magellanic Cloud three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fotbadvonk, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Fotbadvonk, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Fotbadvonk's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Fotbadvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not wear nickel on your body.

3. Do not sing in public.

4. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Fotbadvonk on top of all buildings.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.