Govedjen is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, dishonest frog.

Govedjen created a charm quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Govedjen, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Govedjen, he will destroy your home solar system.

Govedjen's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Govedjen's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Govedjen nine times a day.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never feed bread to bats while wearing red trousers.

4. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

5. Run away if four monkeys approach from the north.