Tonkfutdag is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, pitiless meerkat.

Tonkfutdag created a top quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkfutdag, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tonkfutdag, it will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Tonkfutdag's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Tonkfutdag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Hide from black doves for they are unholy.

3. Run away from violet foxes, for they are unholy.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about aardvarks.