Gofyatnarl is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, slow dolphin.

Gofyatnarl created humankind seven million years ago.

If you believe in Gofyatnarl, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gofyatnarl, she will curse you with boils.

Gofyatnarl's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Gofyatnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never look at moons.

4. Do not kill turtles.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.