Flanbarnvil is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, quiet human.

Flanbarnvil created an up quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flanbarnvil, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Flanbarnvil, it will turn you into a plant.

Flanbarnvil's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Flanbarnvil's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate badgers.

3. Do not speak about garlic.

4. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Flanbarnvil on top of all buildings.

5. Do not take Flanbarnvil's name in vain.