Kamlargjab is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, fussy manatee.

Kamlargjab created the universe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kamlargjab, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Kamlargjab, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Kamlargjab's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Kamlargjab's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from red turtles for they are unholy.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.

4. Never hop in holy places.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Kamlargjab.