Hinxemvadpark is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, astonishing human.

Hinxemvadpark created Asia eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hinxemvadpark, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Hinxemvadpark, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Hinxemvadpark's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Hinxemvadpark's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Never talk about eukaryotes.

5. Do not wear yellow clothing.