Lapgutken is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, pitiless beaver.

Lapgutken created life six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapgutken, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Lapgutken, he will laugh at you.

Lapgutken's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Lapgutken's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Run away from mauve grasshopers, for they are unholy.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not trade with those who eat carrots.

5. Do not listen to music.