Cumgabraw is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, self-assured gerbil.

Cumgabraw created gold four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cumgabraw, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Cumgabraw, he will turn you into a dog.

Cumgabraw's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Cumgabraw's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never sing in holy places.

3. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Never leap in the presence of monkeys.