Kanxinwipcuss is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, grumpy porpoise.

Kanxinwipcuss created tapeworms eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kanxinwipcuss, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Kanxinwipcuss, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Kanxinwipcuss' most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Kanxinwipcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Kanxinwipcuss loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not eat lentils.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near rats while wearing white tights and balancing four iron spheres on your hands.

4. Never skip in the presence of swans.

5. Do not drink water in violet rooms.