Hapbagcep is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, quiet bat.

Hapbagcep created humankind three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapbagcep, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hapbagcep, he will turn you into a dog.

Hapbagcep's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Hapbagcep's Holy Commandments

1. Always help mites.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Never talk about black holes.

5. Fast once a month.