Hakxemtal is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, conceited cat.

Hakxemtal created a bottom quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakxemtal, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Hakxemtal, it will not invite you to parties.

Hakxemtal's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Hakxemtal's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Always help sharks.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not shave your legs.

5. Never talk about amino acids.