Ontquilltaf is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, emotional bird.

Ontquilltaf created Africa three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ontquilltaf, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Ontquilltaf, it will turn you into a snail.

Ontquilltaf's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Ontquilltaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity near nematodes while wearing green tights and balancing six titanium spheres on your feet.

4. Never think about bacteria.

5. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.