Farnkopnillyart Langessrut is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, cheerful hamster.

Farnkopnillyart Langessrut created a charm quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Farnkopnillyart Langessrut, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Farnkopnillyart Langessrut, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Farnkopnillyart Langessrut's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Farnkopnillyart Langessrut's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark matter near eagles while wearing black stockings and balancing six gold spheres on your feet.

2. Worship no other gods but Farnkopnillyart Langessrut.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Farnkopnillyart Langessrut must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.