Bastpitton is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, unjust squid.

Bastpitton created an up quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bastpitton, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bastpitton, it will turn you into a mole.

Bastpitton's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Bastpitton's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Bastpitton nine times a day.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

5. Never write about dark energy.