Hatsadpak is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, duplicitous snail.

Hatsadpak created the cosmos three million years ago.

If you believe in Hatsadpak, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Hatsadpak, she will make you grow a tail.

Hatsadpak's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Hatsadpak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never feed oranges to mites while wearing purple shoes.

3. Worship no other gods but Hatsadpak.

4. Never feed pineapples to dolphins while wearing hats.

5. Do not eat bananas.